you're the next contestant on, "who has a fever this week?"

otherwise entitled, "How we spent our spring break."

Welcome to the 11th installment of my journal, I do hope you are enjoying your visit, albeit a short visit, into my life. I try to be as candid as possible, without offending too many people. I'm not really all that successful but at least I can say I try. What you are getting in this weeks assignment is a pretty real and raw part of my life that I have been dealing with over the last few months and moreso over the last few weeks.

My spring break was started with the best of intentions, truly. Let's journey back a few months. Ummmmm.............October 30th. That's a good day. My husband graduated from the police academy and I registered for my first semester of classes. I signed up for Algebra and English, they are prereqs, so I figure I'll get those out of the way. And then that 7.5 credit hour pesky EMT class. Wonder what that is about I think to myself? I wanted to be a paramedic, this was a prereq to get into the paramedic program, so I may as well get that out of the way too as Anatomy and Phys was full.

One week after that my husband and I were packing up our lives and moving 70 miles north. I began the daily 1.5 hour one way commute with my children and almost immediately it was too much. I left my job a few weeks before classes started thinking it would give me time to "get things done." All it did was give me 3 weeks to sit and worry that I was not cut out to go to college so that on my first day of school, I cried.

I show up to EMT class and it was intimidating. And expensive. And the real deal. I tell myself that to be a paramedic, one must first become a certified EMT and I will tackle this headon.

And I did that as I juggled my life for close to 2 months. Each week becoming worse than the one prior. I got to where I was crying daily, I was gone for 20 hours a day, I was physically exhausted in every sense, and that brings about the question, "can I work a 24 hour shift job?"

Yes, this will lead up to what I did during spring break real fast, trust me.

THen a murder took place yards away from our apartment. And since it was not on our property, Rodney was not called and we had no idea. Until the next day when he went to work and found out. We moved 2 days later. Yes. I had barely unpacked and had to pack up and move again. And I bawled and cried all night long. We moved in the middle of the blizzard that had my kids miss 2 weeks of school. We moved as I attempted to study. No one wants someone who can't save their life because boxes needed packed! EMT class is not a class to miss. Ever. I had this thought process that if you have to miss a class, you may as well drop the entire thing. Why bother? They throw alot of really important info at you in a very short period of time.

So there I was one Monday, juggling the crap out of my life, crying daily because I just cannot drive 170 miles a day, raise 4 kids, have a good marriage to a police officer of all things, doing THIS. JUGGLING.

So I withdrew from EMT class and the paramedic department altogether. I quit. Though my husband and I don't see it as quitting. We see it as making a choice for my family that allows me to be everything to them that I want to be. It would be different if I didn't mind being a half assed mother and serving spagettios everynight for dinner. But I do mind. I mind when I'm too tired to play monopoly. I mind when I have to hear "spagetti again?" I mind when I sleep till noon on Saturday because I'm so exhausted from my week. This was a sign of the life to come as a paramedic, and I did not like this glimpse at all. I consider it an expensive lesson.

So getting to spring break, I stayed in school, changed my majors and you are now reading the entry of a visual communications major. Or, for the laypeople out there, photography. And if you know me personally, you are thinking to yourself, "it's about friggin time." because this is just something I'm good at and I have denied myself the satisfaction of thinking I could DO THIS with the rest of my life.

I haven't told anyone besides my children and husband that this is my new life. I've been soaking in the decision, letting go of the dream of being a paramedic because honestly, I would have been great at it. This I know for sure. But it wasn't going to work for my life. So I had about 3 school weeks before spring break to go to just Algebra and English. I was dragging my tale around because I was just so tired and needing a mental break. Our home looked like dirt with about 50 boxes in our living room.

I had the goal of unpacking everyday during spring break, taking the kids to the park, baking treats every day. I think I did all those things, but not nearly to the extent that I had hoped.

First of all, I have a kindergartner. I can only assume by her own handwashing skills that her classmates are not that much ahead of her in the hygeine arena. And I can only shudder as I think of all those little butt germs floating around that classroom. She started the weekend out with her monthly fever. We refer to it as this because once a month she falls ill with a 2 day fever, some snot, some lovey dovey-ness, and then she is fine.

But oh dear readers this time she made sure to spread the love. Every single one of us spent the whole week with a chest cold and LOTS of snot. We spent the first 3 days of spring break sleeping until the post meridiem portion of the day. Rodney gets home at close to 11 post meridiem so we all waited up until then for him. Then, there was alot of video game playing in bed till the wee hours of the night, furthering our sleeping in.

So that's what we accomplished, a stay cation of sorts. We stayed home. And we rested. And we blew our noses. And I did bake treats, once. I unpacked one box at a time, resting in between. But I now have 3 boxes remaining in my living room. If this had been all I had accomplished, I'd still be pretty proud of myself.

My children went to their dad's that weekend and my husband and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary the last Sunday before returning to school. We both felt like dog doo still, and took dayquil and went to Logan's Roadhouse where we were misled on the size of the desserts which were no bigger than a jello shot. Of course if they had been jello shots then the rest of this entry would be a totally different story as most of my stories involving anything alcoholic usually start out with the phrase..."well, I was only going to drink just one..." and end with, "I don't remember how I got this bruise on my head or where my car was left at...". We tooled around the mall a bit and had his watch I had given him sized down to fit his wrist. He took me to build a bear and as corny as it sounds, it was something I really wanted to do. I've taken all of my children there to make a stuffed toy that you put your heart into and make a wish upon and promise to love forever, and then you take your toy shopping and I stated at the last trip there that I really wanted to go! I wanted to make my own stuffed animal too! So on March 21st, 2010, Kiki Lyons was born. I picked out a wedding gown for my stuffed animal, a panda bear, to commemorate our wedding anniversary. Her dress is prettier than mine was.

To end this little life altering saga, I will state that I'm of sound mind again, well, as sound as my mind gets. I'm fully rested. I'm over my cold. And I'm fully confident in my choices I've made for my family. I've feared telling people and it's not something I've walked around broadcasting because I fear judgment but in my heart, I know I'm doing what is not just best for my family but what is best for me. (and I really need to pay better attention in English because that was the runon sentence to beat runon sentences and I should know as I write runon sentences all the time.)