now that i have a minute to sit or shit...

i think i will choose....sit.

I never wrote about Trinity turning 6 last week. Doing yearly letters to my girls is my new thing. One day, when they retire, i might print them out and give them to them. Thats the plan. But me and plans...well...

I have decided not to write this directly to Trinity yet since all she can read is "Mom. Yes. Books. Kei. Caden. Trinity. Bryce. Sam. Andrew." She knows Andrew because apparently this boy punches her in the bewwy and it huwts.

She is a wonder child to me, not just because of her miraculous entry into this world where I fell straight on my womanly parts and shot myself right into labor. That's right. THere was ice all over the ground on February 3rd 2004 just like there was on February 3rd 2010. ANd I was carrying Miss 2 year old Chandler in my arms when I went down so it was like 200 lbs of solid mass going down. And oh how it hurt.

She came into this wold that night at 10:0something pm. "It's my life" by Gwen Stefani was playing in the operating room and to this day, that song gives me happy feelings. They got me back to my room sometime after midnight, whereby Donnie and the girls went home for the night because well, 2 and 4 year olds get cranky after midnight. It's the gremlin syndrome.

Shortly after he left, the nurses came and TOOK MY BABY and put her in the NICU. They put all kinds of wires and gizmos on MY child and told me they didn't know what the hell was wrong with her, but something was wrong. Donnie didn't get up the next morning until about 9 am because they were trying to get some rest. When he called me to tell me he was about to leave the house to come see us, I had to tell him that they TOOK HIS DAUGHTER AWAY and I couldn't get up to go see how she was thanks to all the wires and staples coming out of ME.

When he and the girls arrived, we all walked down to the NICU and donnie and I took turns pushing her bed to the window where the girls schmeared their faces to the window to see their new perfect sister they had been anxiously awaiting.

She was released from the ICU later on that day with a clean bill of health. Apparently she didn't get a good first breath in her life and was breathing too fast. 3 times too fast as it is. And being a star EMT student, I know this is a danger for hyperperfusion. Too much oxygen without exchange of CO2. THey were concerned she would asperate and therefore I couldn't breastfeed her those first few hours, so they tube fed her my milk to get her started.

When they brought her to me to keep forever, I did just that. She is very special to me,and as she so sweetly pointed out the other night, I'm special to her too. I'm not sure what KIND of special she means but I took it as a complement.

She was special in alot of ways. My baby turned out to be very silent, very unsteady, very different than her sisters. I knew around the age of 18 months that we had a problem when she still wasn't walking. It wasn't discovered until she was 2 that there was a valid issue and that issue is called dyspraxia. Basically the signal from her brain doesn't reach the appropriate receptors in the same manner it does a typical child. The message GETS there, but it takes longer, and as a result she was severely hypotonic. Her muscle tone was for shit.

We spent a year doing 3 therapies a week, kept her on a liquid diet until she was 3 because she couldn't chew food. She could barely swallow what did go in her mouth, and without chewing, she was attempting to swallow whole food. And it was dangerous.

I am happy to report now that at 6 years old, she never shuts up, she never stops eating, and she never sits down for more than 3 minutes at a time. She can run, she can eat steak, she is learning to read. One of the major concerns with her going to school was eye to hand coordination which is what is involved when it comes to reading. But her progress is remarkable. She can spell every child in her class' name, especially Hunter, who is her bo-friend, whether he knows or not I cannot answer.

She idolizes her sissies, she thinks her Daddy is superman, she thinks her mommy is her personal teddy bear, and she is going to be a cop girl like her Wotney.

Her life as she knows it now, is perfectly normal. She is the only one of my 3 children with no recollection of the divorce. She has told me one time she wished she could see me and daddy at the same time, hinting that she realizes we may have lived together in the past, but she rolls with it.


I walk a fine line of doting on my children without totally babying the crap out of them, and Trinity BEING the baby, probably gets more attention than the other 2. She REQUIRES being the center of attention. The world DOES revolve around her and if you disagree, well, she'll fart on you. Every day my children remind me of why Im alive and what my purpose on this earth is. I feel badly that 3 short years after her arrival into this world, her daddy and I had to go and change everything around on her, before she even got her feet on the ground, but I like to think that this new alternate reality is even better for her mental health. Nevermind what happened between her dad and I, what is better is that "I"M" a better person and mother and happier with the path I walk each day. I make sure that the life I give them is an improvement on the previous life we had. Because if this life was worse, then what was the point?

I'm not sure what the future holds for Trinity. I can almost assure you Chandler WILL be an author of somesort. She might have a day job but I can totally see 4 eyes sitting at her laptop late at night pecking out her latest novel. Arielle will be a designer of some sort. Her brain craves design. Right now her obsession is cakes and we'll see how that goes, but if not cakes, she'll design clothes, interiors of homes, something. She is an original and she will paint this world somehow. And she'll convince you that HER design is the very best.

Trinity being 6 years old, her true personality is still developing. But I think that is what is so cool. She is so easily warped. She sees Rodney put on his badge and his gun and walk out of our home with honor every day. She sees her daddy go to work and use his brain after working so hard to get to where he is in his career. THese things are honorable. So I have absolutely no doubt that whatever this little red headed wild wonder does, she will do it with HONOR. And that...my friends...makes me proud as punch.